


Frozen in the Light of the Stars

by kitkattz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alien Culture, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alien Technology, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Dirk is misophonic, Jake is a weird fuck, M/M, dave is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkattz/pseuds/kitkattz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake is an alien from a distant planet in a distant universe who accidentally wound up in Dirk Strider's apartment.<br/>Dirk is an eccentric resident of a small Oceanside town in Texas who may be in just a little over his head with this one. The two, through many odd occurrences and divulgences of quirks, become close, and eventually a little more than just friends.<br/>(On hold)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so as a little apology for not updating in like two weeks on THUGTD, I'm posting a little starter to a fic I've been working on for a bit.

He took a deep breath, hand wavering over the button.

He was totally doing this. Maybe he should have listened on how to work the darn machine before hand. At least he figured out the cloaking device.

The young troll shut his eyes, turning away and slamming a hand down hard on the button.

Nothing seemed to happen for a moment, but suddenly, with a loud whirring and a blinding flash of lighting blue light, his vision lit up with sparks and swirls as the world twisted and warped before his eyes. It was only then that he realized he probably should have checked to be sure Earth's air was breathable.

Oh well, he would find out soon enough.

∇

Dirk sighed, muttering to himself as he unlocked the door to the little apartment he called home. He had gotten out of work late, his boss was an asshole, and the damn handle to the door _wouldn't fucking open._

"You fucking-," he started, the Strider slamming a palm against the door. _Finally_ , the catch in the frame came loose and the door swung open. "Finally, Jesus fucking Christ. I really need to fix that. Piece of shit door," he grumbled, clenching his jaw as he shut the door behind him.

Dirk tossed his bag to the side, rubbing his temples irritably. He hated his job so much. With a degree in fucking robotic engineering, he should not be working at some stupid electronics shop fixing radios and TVs. He should be at some big corporation, creating machines that would change the world- he had an idea for a hovercraft laid out already, damnit!

Dirk turned the corner to his living room and stopped.

There was a boy roughly his age sitting on his couch, staring intently into the fruit bowl. It wouldn't have been so strange if the guy wasn't gray skinned with horns and radioactive-green eyes.

Yep, that's it. He needed to quit. He couldn't deal with stress hallucinations, he decided, watching the other reach a gray-skinned hand into the bowl and pick up a grape before sticking it up his nose.

Great.

Dirk turned on his heel, only to be called back. "Hello! I didn't realize someone came in! Is this your hive?"

"Hive?" He asked. This was definitely a hallucination, there was no way. What the fuck even was a 'hive' supposed to be?

"Your... Residence?" The strange male tried again. "You speak English, right?"

"Yeah, I speak English. And yeah. This is my apartment." Dirk sighed, resigning himself to insanity as he trotted over to the couch and sat down. This was one realistic fucking hallucination. Maybe he got drugged and fell asleep at work and this is some crack dream.

Wouldn't be the first time.

"Good! I'm not well versed in other languages! This human language was hard enough to learn!"

 _Hyper dude isn't he?_ Dirk thought to himself, nodding as the stranger continued to jabber on.

"I apologize sincerely for showing up in your hi- apartment -uninvited. But you see, I can't exactly control where I am taken lest whether I am breaking and entering!"

Dirk hummed an affirmative.

"Anywhoo! I'm pleased to make your acquaintance....?" the stranger left the sentence open, and it took Dirk a moment to realize that he was awaiting an introduction.

"Strider. Dirk Strider."

"I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Strider Dirk Strider! Such an exotic human name!"

"No- I- dude. Dirk Strider, not Strider Dirk Strider."

"Alright, then, Strider Dirk Strider!"

"Jesus Christ. Just call me Dirk."

"Oh! Well that's far shorter and quite a lot simpler! Why didn't you just say that right off the bat, chap? Chap is an endearment, yes? I'm not offending you?"

"I- no. I don't care what you call me. Yes its an endearment. What's the point of this crack dream shit anyway? There's usually a purpose, after all-"

"Oh! How rude I forgot to introduce myself! Um, I suppose my name translates to something along the lines of Jacob in your human terms?"

"Okay, so I'll just call you Jake then."

"Righty-O! Anyway! I am here to... Cultivate peace... And trade. Alternia is rather lacking in both."

"Yeah, okay, well you obviously came to the wrong place."

"Oh-! Are you anti-foreign trade?"

"No-" Dirk started, but Jake again waved him off.

"Never mind that! Not to be cliché, but please take me to your leader, human!" Jake said, and Dirk actually facepalmed right there.

"Goddamnit. Maybe after I... Go do some stuff. Okay? Okay. I think I'm going to go..." Dirk paused, grappling for an excuse to exit the crazy train on its last stop before insanity station. "To my room for a sec."

"How long exactly is this 'sec' you speak of?" Jake asked as Dirk stood and stretched.

"Irrelevant," he replied, realizing with amusement that the grape was still stuck in Jake's left nostril. "And that's not where you put grapes."

∇

Dirk had eventually drifted off to sleep, mind hazily recalling a strange gray man by the name of Jake.

Fucking weird ass dream. Weirdest yet. And that was saying something.

Dirk stretched, laying in his bed for a few moments more before glancing at the window. There was a thin sliver of crimson light filtering through the drapes, and he huffed lightly to himself.

Dirk sat up, cracking the joints in his back before rolling out of his bed. He shivered a little at the contrast of the cold tile against his toasty, sock clad feet, and trotted to the door. His stomach rumbled with unquenched hunger, which he usually tamed immediately after work, and he decided that it would be a good idea to make some ramen.

Dirk padded into the kitchen, wrestling with his unruly hair as he shuffled through the pantry for the ramen package. He sighed, rubbing his eyes irritably as he turned, only to all but jump out of his skin as he came face to face with the same guy who he thought had only been a figment of his imagination.

Holy fuck.

Jake was real.

Jake was real and he was an alien.

jake was real and he was an alien and who was in his apartment.

"Hello Dirk!" The chipper extraterrestrial greeted, and Dirk was about certain he would faint. Radioactive emerald eyes stared excitedly at him, and Dirk looked over his gray skin again, gaze eventually landing on sharply curved horns. "Are you ready to talk of my meeting with your leader?"

"Fucking- I can't-," He sputtered, but quickly collected himself. "Look, Jake, I'm not that great of a person to talk with about authority. Fuck man, why didn't you just break into the presidential suite of the White House if you wanted authority?"

"Is that where your leader resides? Will you take me there?"

"Maybe if I manage to scrounge up a thousand bucks to throw away, but not right now," Dirk said, attempting to sidestep the alien. Jake didn't let him, stepping back in his path as he tried to walk away.

"Well I suppose I'll just have to wait then!" Jake told him, and Dirk held up a hand.

"Sorry, alien-sponsoring isn't really on my to-do list," Dirk said, again trying to sidestep him.

Jake refused yet again.

"Please? I know I may be imposing, but I doubt I would receive as warm a welcome from any other human in the area... I don't exactly have a place to go before extraction."

"Extraction?"

"I have a time limit to set up foreign policy before being transported back," Jake replied. "I can play human! I have this."

Dirk caught the glare of light off the little metallic band on Jake's wrist, and the alien smiled at him before pressing a small button in the center. It was an almost immediate transition, Jake's outline shimmering for a fleeting moment before he looked suddenly normal- human.

Dark, almost black, hair that looked as much a mess as it had before, just minus the horns. Tan skin and green eyes that were still a stunning emerald. The Mediterranean appearance, Dirk realized, really matched his personality. Not to mention it just looked really good overall.

Dirk had to clear his head, momentarily distracted by a heady earthy scent and how incredibly attractive Jake had just made himself.

Son of a bitch.

How was he supposed to turn down an alien when all he was so alluring?

Not to mention the fact that he had kind of wanted to know if aliens existed for quite some time now... And here Jake was...

God fucking damnit, there was no way he could turn down this kind of opportunity. It only seemed to hit him right then that there was in fact an alien standing in front of him, in his apartment, and-

Wait a second, was that his hoodie?

"Uh, Jake? Is that my...?"

"Oh! Right, I apologize, but it is quite a bit chillier here than Alternia.. Its a little strange really." There was a light flush on the alien boy's disguised human cheeks, green eyes slightly downcast in embarrassment at being caught.

"Well, its December, so..." Dirk trailed off, wondering absently if he remembered to bring his bike around the side of the apartment.

He probably didn't.

"Is it always cold here?"

"No. It gets hot as balls when summer rolls around. Which is only four months away," Dirk huffed a bit at the thought of the heat and humidity returning.

"About how long is a month?" Jake asked, emerald eyes trained on Dirk again.

"Depends on the month, but usually about three weeks. A week is about seven days, in case you didn't know."

"Oh! That makes sense! Alright! Well... can I stay? Possibly? Just for a little while? I won't be burden," he pleaded, and Dirk sighed, cracking.

"Fine, fine. Yeah you can stay. There's a futon in the living room. Now let me eat my ramen, Jesus," he said, and Jake finally let him pass, the other male letting out a high pitched series of clicks that Dirk figured probably meant he was content with the outcome of their conversation.

Dirk filled the instant-ramen container with water and swung open the microwave door.

Goddamnit he was in for it now.

At least Dave hadn't bothered him for a while, so he doubted that his older brother would come home any time soon.

Normally he called.

Sometimes.

Fuck, he should have thought this through more. This probably wouldn't end well for him, and it made him think of the aliens in the Predators Versus Aliens movie.

So long as Jake didn't impregnate him with slimy little alien babies, he was cool with this. He could totally do this.

Fuck, how bad could it be?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize immensely for the long ass wait, but it's been busy lately! But here you guys go, enjoy alien Jake being obnoxious as shit!

"Dirk! _Dirk!_ What are these? They are so.. So _squishy!"_ Jake cried, drawing Dirk out of a state of intense concentration.

The Strider jumped, tool dislodging a fragile part of the computer system he was working on.

It had been a week.

An entire fucking week.

And he had gotten jack shit done with Jake around.

"They are _insoles_. For my _feet_. Now if you would let me fucking fi-"

"What about this? Oh golly, humans are so strange!" Jake giggled, having interrupted Dirk. He sighed, resting his head in his hands. Jake was holding up his lava lamp, turning and shaking it until the 'lava' inside had completely dissolved.

_Fucking- that's not even supposed to be possible._

"Could you just-"

"It looks so _strange!_ I mean really, what is it made of? It just so-"

" _Jake!_ " He snapped, and the alien froze, eyes staring at him with feigned innocence. "God, just put it down, okay? Its a lava lamp. And don't fucking shake it you'll break the damn thing. Go play with the insoles or something. I'm trying to finish this."

Jake looked down at his feet, mumbling an apology, and Dirk felt a pang of guilt. Goddamnit, now he was upset.

Dirk released a frustrated sigh. "You know what, look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm just a little frustrated with the damn computer system right now. Sorry for snapping."

He regretted apologizing almost immediately as he was met with the biggest pair of puppy eyes he had ever seen.

_Are you shitting me_.

Then he started up his whining again.

_Fuck,_ Dirk hated that. It was horrible. Just high pitched and utterly terrible. Dirk let out a frustrated grumble as the whine got to a point where it was almost a continued screeching.

"Jesus Christ, would you cut that out?!" He hissed, scrabbling for the rubix cube. Anything to give Jake something to do to cut that fucking sound.

The moment he found the little cube, Dirk was switching the colors up and tossing it at Jake.

The alien seemed surprised, the noise ceasing as the cube hit him in the forehead and bounced off. "Ow, Dirk- _oh!_ What is that? Its so colorful!" And then Jake was picking it up, face lighting up as he realized the sides turned.

Dirk sighed in relief as Jake wandered to the futon that served as his bed, flopping down and twisting the cube.

_So much for 'oh, but Dirk I won't be burden, I promise!'_  he thought to himself, glancing over at the other again.

Fuck he needed an aspirin.

It was his only day off all week damnit, and Jake had stuck to him like glue until now.

Granted, it was only noon, but he had wanted a little time to work on his own projects. Jake had free reign, he knew where the cereal was, where all the food was. Of course, the only thing he would eat currently was captain crunch and coffee.

Dirk was beginning to wonder if Jake would only eat things starting with the letter C. He had turned down vegetables other than carrots and celery, not to mention he would only drink milk if it was chocolate. Overall, Jake was downright obnoxious and incredibly hard to deal with. And yet, Dirk couldn't find it in him to kick Jake out.

He sighed irritably, grumbling to himself, and glanced again over at Jake to be sure he wasn't planning to get up.

All he wanted was to get this fucking thing done. If Jake would let him, he could deal with the alien bothering him for the next four or so hours until dinner. He could do that. It wasn't difficult.

It had been a week.

And Jake was growing on him.

 

∇

 

"Please? Dirk please, please, _please?_ Can we go to the park? I won't ask again today, please?" Jake begged, and Dirk sighed.

"Fine, but can I finish this first?" It was a new episode of My Little Pony, and Dirk had been dying to see it. He adored the show, to most people's obvious distaste. It wasn't even an ironic adoration. Hell, anything with horses was worth watching, especially if said horses interacted with one another in a friendly, romantic, or overall adoration-worthy manor.

"Diiiiiiiiiirrrk!" Jake whined, and started up _that fucking sound_ again. "Oh my god, fine, just fucking _stop that!_ Jesus Christ. I can't do anything with you around! I'm going to look for an alien babysitter."

"Well, I would have to just follow you to work then!" Jake countered, unfazed by the threat.

"No," Dirk deadpanned.

"Yes! I still don't know what you humans work as!" Jake argued in return. "I'm a technician at the RadioShack. You already knew that," He snipped back, half paying attention to Jake as he watched Rainbow Dash prance across the screen in his peripheral vision.

"You forget I don't know what ' _RadioShack_ ' is," Jake told him, crossing his slender arms. In his natural form, Jake was a good two or three heads taller than Dirk, but sure didn't know how to use the advantage. He was lanky, but sometimes purposefully surprised Dirk by picking him up and indirectly taunting him about his height. Dirk was convinced that Jake knew exactly what he was doing.

_Bastard_.

"You're impossible," he muttered, but relented, reluctantly standing and leading Jake toward the door. The alien was practically jumping with joy.

Dirk stopped. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I'm not taking you out looking like _that_ ," Dirk motioned to the fact that Jake was still gray skinned and horned.

"Oh! Right, yes, I forgot!" He cried, turning to head back. Jake shuffled around the coffee table's pile of junk before pulling out the cloaking device he wore. He clipped the little band to his wrist, and hit the power button on the television- he had learned where it was rather quickly and tended to turn it off purposefully while Dirk was watching a movie.

He was such an asshole.

Jake bounded back over to the door, hitting the center button on the device to initiate the disguise. Within the matter of a few seconds, Jake was looking up at him, a normal height with that stunning Mediterranean skin tone and emerald eyes.

Dirk sighed, righting his shades before opening the door and grimacing as light spilled into the apartment, showering both in a bright glow. Jake grinned before bolting, and Dirk barely managed to catch the back of the hoodie he was wearing- Dirks hoodie, yet again -and snap Jake back.

The other choked a bit, turning to Dirk with an accusing glare and a pouty-face. "Rules, Jake. Say 'em."

Jake let out a dramatic sigh. "No running out of sight, keep close enough that if I get in trouble you can help, no inhuman noises in public," He rattled the three off at an impressive speed, and Dirk nodded.

"Good. Okay, let's go."

"Yes!" Jake exclaimed, dashing down the apartment stairs and almost tripping.

Dirk sighed to himself, shaking his head as he followed. Once Jake was outside, he wasn't as much of a nuisance, and he had explained on multiple occasions that he rather enjoyed the daytime on earth, as the undead rose on his planet and the sun was so bright it would blind anyone who ventured out in the daytime.

What a weird place.

But, Dirk mused, that explained his immense excitement once he realized he wasn't going to burn to a crisp outdoors.

Hell, the guy had a panic attack the first time Dirk tried to go to work in the morning, yelling something about getting eaten alive and going blind. Dirk had had to sit down with him and explain that humans were diurnal, not nocturnal, and earth's sun wouldn't make him go blind unless he looked at it for a ridiculously long amount of time.

He had been late to work that day, which hadn't made his boss too happy.

Dirk was pulled out of his thoughts by an excited screeching sound, and he sighed.

"Rule number three, dude!" He called out, but Jake was already bounding ahead, making a mad dash for the nearest tree.

Dirk sighed, watching as Jake spider-climbed his way all the way to the top branches in a matter of moments, drawing the attention of more than a few other park-goers. The dude was like, obsessed with trees or something. Dirk didn't really have the patience to try to figure out the reasons, nor the genuine curiosity to ask, and decided it was better left alone.

Jake was making that weird clicking noise he did whenever he was content, and he really looked it while he was sitting up there, leaning against a little split in the branches, leaves framing him. It was kind of adorable, really, and it almost made Dirk forget how big of a pain in the ass he was. 

Almost.

As usual, Rule Number Three was discarded yet again, and Dirk watched in awe as quite a few birds flitted over to the tree Jake was in, a bright yellow canary landing on his right arm. He smirked, though, at the indignant, jealous grumbles of a birdwatching duo as Jake interacted with the birds, clicking and cooing at them. He held out a hand for a robin, which took to his fingers without hesitation, chirping and fluttering its little wings as Jake petted its head.

Dirk rolled his eyes before settling down on a park bench, watching as Jake continued to sit with the birds. He did that every time, though this time he seemed better at it, getting used to the way they reacted to certain noises and actions.

Dirk would admit, Jake really was an enigma to him, as he didn't even know half of what Jake was doing most times, and it was like he had never seen the simplest of things. He knew what a toilet was, at least, and he gave it a rather strange name- Loadgaper -but Dirk didn't mind his exploration of every part of the apartment, not really. The only place that was truly off limits to Jake was Dirk's room- it had too many fragile and overall important things.

Jake had also taken to shitty adventure movies that Dirk watched for the irony of it, and he was certain that Jake had made him rent Avatar a good ten times from Redbox. Dirk was starting to think he should just buy the damn movie- it would save him money rather than dealing with renting it so damn much.

He sighed to himself, watching as Jake suddenly swung on the branch to hang upsidedown, the birds around him fluttering and chirping in a panicked manner before flying off. Jake had fallen out a tree before- from the top to be exact -and had been fine, so Dirk wasn't worried.

At least if he fell he wasn't going to die; he had chosen a relatively short tree this time, and so Dirk paid only mild attention to just what Jake was doing. After all, he was pretty good about balance, and he was hanging on pretty tight with his legs.

This was about the fifth time this week that Jake had dragged Dirk out to go to the park. Jake had wanted to go immediately after Dirk explained what a public park was, saying that he didn't have those at his home.

At least he's not staying forever, Dirk mused, wondering just where in the universe Jake's home actually was. It would be interesting to find out. Maybe Jake would take him someday.

Unlikely.

Dirk watched as Jake swung back up, seeming to think it was a good idea to attempt to jump into the next tree over. Dirk covered his face, hearing a loud thud and a little hiss from Jake.

Dirk glanced over at the alien, who threw him a hurt little glance as if the fall was somehow Dirk's doing. Dirk sighed, picking himself up and heading over to Jake, who had settled in the dirt, a few park-goers giving him concerned glances. Dirk offered a hand to the alien, tugging him up when Jake took the help.

"That's why you don't tree-hop," Dirk chided, shaking his head as he lead Jake, pouting but no worse for wear, back in the direction of the apartment.

This time, Jake didn't argue.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SO SORRY FOR THE UBER LONG WAIT  
> honestly, I kind of forget this existed.  
> I apologize for the short chapter.

"Do we have to do this every night?" Dirk asks, sighing, and Jake nods, laying on the couch.

With a drawn out and dramatic sigh, Dirk pulls the blankets up, and Jake rolls, holding onto the other end of the blanket as he did. With a final tug, Dirk tucks the blanket in on the side of Jake, eyebrows raising as the alien wriggled a bit before settling comfortably. He is rolled up in the blanket like a burrito, and he makes Dirk roll him up like that every night.

Jake had explained that he slept in a cocoon type bed on his planet, as it had been filled with a kind of slime that lulled his species into a weird version of suspended animation until the night rolled around.

Apparently being wrapped up in cocoon type blankets is the closest thing to it.

Dirk doesn't understand it, but he figured its better to leave well enough alone. "Alright, you good? Don't need me to fluff your pillow or chew some food for you?" He asks, grinning, and Jake sticks his tongue out at the sarcasm.

"No, but thank you, Dirk." He replies, yawning tiredly, and Dirk rolls his eyes. Even with the futon stretched out all the way, Jake has to curl a little so his horns didn't tear into the couch fabric due to his height, and Dirk found it interesting that once Jake fell asleep, only his biological clock could wake him up, and he literally didn't move at all once he was actually out for the night.

Not that getting him to sleep was easy most nights, but at least he's already exhausted from being at the park all day.

Dirk had shown him the joys of the children's playground, and boy did he have a blast chasing small children. It was actually kind of adorable, especially when the kids turned on a very surprised Jake and tackled him to the ground in a heap of wriggling limbs and high pitched laughter.

He played tag with the children once they explained to him exactly what the game was, and soon he was chasing them all around the playground area, spewing mulch in every direction.

Dirk had sat on a bench nearby, watching the mothers of the kids laugh at the silly man playing like a child. They had obviously appreciated the break, not having to be interrupted every other minute by their respective little ones.

There were a few fathers around as well, and Dirk had wound up gravitating in that direction once the topic of women's underthings came up due to a comment made from one of the mothers about her bra.

"Which one is yours?" One of the fathers had asked him, and Dirk turned with an embarrassed expression before pointing out Jake.

"My roommate loves kids," he had explained, and the father had just smiled, commenting that one day Jake would make a good father. Dirk found no reason to argue about that, considering the way Jake was pretending to be out of breath in order to let the children tackle him to the ground, gurgling and going still as if they had killed him.

The group of children had giggled and decided to use Jake as a bench then, smacking his face every now and then and squealing in delight when his tongue lolled out. Once every child had sat down on him, however, Jake sprang to life, making fake monster noises, and the kids scattered in giggling groups, screaming and climbing up onto the various playground structures.

Jake's snoring brings Dirk back to the present, and he rolls his eyes, heading into the kitchen for a nighttime snack of instant ramen and orange Crush. Just as he reaches the pantry however, his phone chimes to life, and when Dirk sees the caller ID, he curses

With more than a little hesitation, Dirk slides his finger across the screen towards the green phone icon, bringing it up to his ear. "Bro..."

"You don't sound happy to get a call from me, Lil man, what's the problem? Got a stud over or something?" He asks, and Dirk contemplates saying yes— but that would get him in a mess of trouble with Roxy.

"No, I've got a friend sleeping over, though," He replies carefully, and his brother snorts.

"Okay, a ' _friend_ '. I'll be home in twenty so keep it in your pants," Dave says, and Dirk can just  _hear_  the smirk in his tone.

"B-bro— what— no, you can't come home yet—" he stammers, glancing over at Jake on the couch.

Fuck he's so dead.

Dave laughs on the other line. "I was right, wasn't I? Yeah, well finish up Lil man I'm on my way!"

Dirk curses as he his the end call button, all but dashing over to the futon. Fuck, where is he supposed to hide a seven foot tall, gray skinned alien dude?!

Swearing, Dirk struggles with the blankets and manages to unravel Jake, cursing his biological clock for not letting him wake up until sunrise. With a growl, he unceremoniously shoves Jake off the couch before dragging him across the room and into his bedroom, feeling like a murderer hiding a body. 

Except there is no blood and Jake is way fucking heavier than any human Dirk had ever carried (or dragged). 

_What the fuck is he made of,_ _steel?_

Dirk was just throwing the blankets over Jake, who now lay in his bed, when the hears the lock jingle, and dashes out into the living room, snatching the remote and turning the TV on before vaulting onto the couch. 

Dirk is just settling into a half-laying, half-sitting position as Dave opens the door, and his older brother leans over the couch to flick his head.

"So, where's this stud muffin?"

"Left," Dirk replies, barely keeping the breathlessness out of his voice. Dave raises his eyebrows at Dirk but doesn't argue, and then tosses his suitcase to the side before rolling over the back of the couch to crush Dirk into the cushions.

"Bro! Get the fuck off me!" 

"Nah, I'm comfy here, its like those stupid puppets you've got, hella comfy plush rump right here. Nice to sit on, just a little bony, like the rest of you, ya twink," Dave says, wriggling above Dirk just to make a point.

"Fuck you man, I'm trying to watch a movie! Get off—! Ugh!" Dirk groans in defeat, muttering a muffled insult of, _"fucking bastard."_ Dave eventually does move, but keeps his legs over Dirk's lap as he stretches out, commenting on the shitty movie choice. 

Transformers is  great, Dirk isn't taking any shit about that, and promptly kicks Dave in the stomach, only to wind up with stinky feet all over his face.

"Fuck, get those off me, I don't need that shit in my face!" He hisses, eventually just crawling off the couch to sit on the floor, where Dave torments him by reaching out every couple of minutes to try to mess up Dirk's hair with his feet until Dirk finally says he's going to bed and throws  the remote at Dave's face.

It doesn't hit, and Dave almost nails him with a plastic cup before Dirk gets inside his room, shutting and locking the door just to be safe.

He glances over at the lump sprawled across his bed that is Jake, and sighs, crawling in next to the alien who shifts lightly as Dirk lays down.

He's taken aback, however, when Jake's arms latch around his waist in his sleep. Jake normally didn't move at all when he sleeps... 

Dirk brushed it off, shifting awkwardly as Jake very literally curls around him until they are basically spooning. That's... Really weird, and yet comforting in the most awkward way.

Well, it would be if his fucking horns aren't digging into the side of Dirk's head. How the fuck is keeping his head on Dirk's shoulder even comfortable? 

After a few hours of internally monologued complaints, Dirk manages to wriggle out enough to keep from having every part of Jake's ridiculously long and lanky body podding at him. He is basically exhausted at this point, and it doesn't take long to drift into a pleasantly dreamless slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

Dirk woke to bright morning light pouring straight into his face, and he went to roll over, groaning, only for whatever he was laying on to convulse and tighten around him.

He was sitting up in an instant, eyes finding a comfortably sleeping Jake in his bed, lanky arms locked around his waist.

_Oh yeah, Bro's home_.

It only took Dirk a moment to realize what was wrong with that thought.

Wait, fuck, _Bro_  was _home_. And Jake was a fucking alien who was currently sleeping in his bed and had been staying with him for the past week or so. Oh man, he was so screwed.

He was the most screwed person on Earth. No, scratch that, in the entire galaxy, including where ever the fuck Jake was from.

More screwed than a compulsive liar taking a lie detector test- Dirk was the liar and Bro was that lie detector test and Dirk was going to fail miserably.

Maybe Bro wasn't up yet! He could take Jake to the park super early, right when he wakes up-

The door flew open as if on command, and Dirk screeched, throwing the blanket over himself and Jake. "Lil man, get the fuck up. I brought Chinese food home yesterday and its in the fridge. No time to waste with that shit, hurry up or I might eat yours too. Shits good."

"I don't want your shitty Chinese food," Dirk huffed, and Dave pretended to faint.

"How could you say such a thing, I went all the way to peiwei to pick up fucking fried rice. Get your ass out here eat your food. Chinese food is not shitty, shame on you. I raised you on this grub."

"Figures," Dirk muttered, "I'll be out in a bit, Jesus, let me wake up." Dave just rolled his eyes and shut the door as he left, and Dirk threw the covers back off of Jake, staring down at the alien who was just beginning to stir, radioactive green eyes squinting against the sunlight before settling on Dirk and their current position.

"I don't remember falling asleep here," He mumbled, not bothering to remove his hold on Dirk. As an afterthought, he added; "Though it is very comfortable."

"Good, because you're staying in here for a while. My Bro just came home last night and-"

"Oh? Your... Sibling? Is that the right word?"

"Yeah, that. He's gonna freak if he sees you, so just kind of lay low. We'll go to the park later, but just hide out in here for now. Also, don't fucking touch anything. Its all really fragile, got it?" Jake nodded, finally releasing Dirk from his hold with a yawn. He stretched out his limbs, legs hanging off the end of the bed as he stretched fully, toes curling.

He's still in Dirk's hoodie and sweatpants, Dirk realized, both of which were too small for his height but baggy enough to look semi decent. However, Dirk's clothes absolutely swallowed Jake whenever he is in his human disguise.

With a groan, Dirk stood, stretching and cracking his back before exiting the room. Jake knew when he was being serious, and Dirk was pretty sure he understood that that was one of those times where he needed to listen to what Dirk was saying.

"Why the fuck are you up so early? Don't you usually sleep till half past Satan's dick?" Dirk grumbled as he headed to the fridge, pulling a can of Crush from his dwindling supply with a frown.

"Jet lag is a bitch," Dave sighed, a glass of apple juice in hand and coffee brewing. "Been up all night."

Dirk cocked an eyebrows at that. "What were you doing, _trying_ to rap?"

"Excuse you, my rapping skills are through the roof. You're one to talk," Dave replied, crossing his arms. "So, tell me about this lay you had while I wasn't home."

"There's nothing to tell," Dirk took a swig of Crush, the tingling sensation of the carbonation on his tongue making him smile internally. It was always such a nice feeling in the morning— not to mention the only thing that could possibly wake him up was the promises of a sugar-and-caffeine-laden soda.

"That's such a lie," Dave snorted at him, shaking his head. "Gotta know what happened during your first lay."

"Who says it was my first?"

"Oh, man, you can't honestly tell me that you've gotten more than one poor sucker back here. Hell, there are swords in the freezer. Not that there's anywhere else to keep swords without looking like maniacs. That's such bullshit, there's no way."

Dirk shrugged. "Think what you want, Bro, you raised an incubus of sexual temptation."

Dave coughed, choking on his apple juice at the comment. " _You?_ " He asks once he regains the ability to breathe. "You're a _twink_ , I'd love to see you even _try_ to be an incubus—"

The creaking of a door stoped Dave, and Dirk sighed to himself, throwing a hand dramatically over his eyes. "Fuuuuuuck."

"Oh, you son of a bitch! You fuckin' liar!" Dave cried, grinning and barely restraining laughter. "I can't believe he stayed over, holy shit, I'm gonna get that asshole for details, you just watch."

"Oh, God," Dirk groaned, head in his hands. "You sound like Roxy, this is horrible."

"Dirk!" Jake called out in a bad attempt at a whisper, and the groan of utter defeat that left the younger Strider was absolutely reflexive.

"Jake... I thought I said to stay in the bedroom."

Dave sniggered at that, and Dirk tried to punch him, only to have his older brother move and shove him so he hit his hip on the counter with a curse.

"Well, yes, but—"

"You can come out—if you've got clothes on," Dave interrupted, and the lengthy pause from Jake before he replied lets Dirk know he probably was at least a little confused by Dave's words.

"Of course I am clothed, why wouldn't I be?" He replied, still whispering- very badly.

"S'He British?" Dave asked, and Dirk just shot him a frustrated look without answering, barely restraining a facepalm as Jake peeked around the corner.

_At least he's disguised as human,_ Dirk thought to himself, not even wanting to think about having to try to explain why there is a seven-foot tall, horned, gray alien in their apartment. He especially wouldn't like to try to explain the situation with Dave thinking he banged Jake; the last thing he needed was to have Dave flipping out over both sex _and_  aliens.

When Jake finally did actually step around the corner and into the room, Dirk all but passed out from embarrassment.

He was still wearing Dirks hoodie- the one that swallows his entire form -and a pair of Dirk's boxers. Never had Dirk realized that he could possibly be so embarrassed, especially by someone who wasn't even actively trying. _Where the hell did the sweatpants go?_ He had given those to him for a _reason!_

When Dave whistled, Dirk kicked his leg, frowning. Dave kicked him back before actually opening his mouth.

"Well, damn, I didn't think you were the kind to give clothes," Dave says, turning a shameless, shit-eating grin on Dirk.

"Oh, yes! Dirk is very generous!" Jake answerd before Dirk had the chance to deck Dave in the throat. "You must be Dave, I can see the familial similarity."

"Yeah, I'm Dave."

"Its nice to meet you! I'm Jake, I'm f—"

"—going to go to the park," Dirk finished quickly for him, and Jake lit up immediately.

"We're going to the park?" Jake asked, and Dave gave his younger brother a look that just begged to have his unspoken question answered.

Dirk waved it off instead, grabbing his takeout from the fridge— avoiding the swords —and a spoon from the drawer.

"Yeah, okay, let's go."

Jake looked about to burst with excitement at going out so early, and Dirk groaned mentally at the thought. Usually he took Jake to the park later so that he would calm the fuck down and actually go to sleep.

_Its like dealing with a child._

The thought made Dirk grimace, reinforcing that he definitely did _not_ want children, as he pulled the door open, letting Jake out first.

Once the door shut behind him, Dirk pulled Jake toward him by the collar of his hoodie.

"Dude, what the fuck was that?! I said to stay in my room, now my brother thinks we're together or some shit, and there's no way I'm telling him you're a fucking alien, got it? So don't mention that, don't show him any of your weird tech, and for fuck's sake stay human. The last thing I need is to have him see you as a seven foot tall, gray alien with big-ass horns. Really man, this is serious," Dirk reprimanded, keeping his voice low so that Dave didn't hear. "And what are our rules?"

Sighing and crossing his arms, Jake rolled his eyes and said; "No running out of sight, keep close enough that if I get in trouble you can help, no inhuman noises in public. Now can we _go to the park?!"_

Dirk frowned at the fact Jake picked up both sass and impatience from him, but nodded, and soon enough he was chasing Jake down the street and all but tackling him so he didn't get hit by a passing taxi.

_Jesus Christ, this is going to be much harder than originally anticipated._


End file.
